


floating, flying, falling

by multicorn



Series: blaine/therapy otp [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 07:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3281387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multicorn/pseuds/multicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you're going to be locked in an elevator and forced to make out with your ex-fiancee, it's a pretty good thing, isn't it, that you're already going to therapy.  Set in the same universe as 'neither onion nor cake nor parfait,' but should stand alone.  Includes neutral-to-positive discussion of Blaine/Karofsky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	floating, flying, falling

_This is not a secret quadcopter recording of a meeting between Dr. Preeti Sidana, therapist, and Blaine Devon Anderson, Show Choir Director, diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. It has definitely not been edited at all._

~

"Blaine," she says. "Are you aware that you missed your last appointment?" She tries not to appear critical, in her tone or her face; it seems like they've been working steadily, but she knows you can't always tell when a patient will run into a wall.

"Yeah, I know," he says, agitated. "I was locked in an elevator, so sorry I couldn't come or even call - "

"You mean, the elevator broke down?"

"No, it was a fake elevator. WIth a bathroom. The principal of my old high school trapped us there, and locked us in, and I'm pretty sure it was illegal. Kidnapping, or something."

"Wow," she says, taken aback. "Are you okay? Did anyone call the police?"

"My friend Rachel find a Missing Persons report, but no one actually found us. We had to wait until Sue let us out. But yeah, I'm fine, I guess."

"Are you sure?" she asks. "Remember what we've talked about. You don't always have to be fine."

"I know," he says, chewing on his lip, then looks down at his hands and laughs. "It was pretty nice, actually, though. Being locked in there like that."

"Because it relieved you from your ordinary responsibilities?" she ventures. She hadn't thought that he'd benefit from time in the psych ward - but, maybe.

"No," he laughs - again, it's good to hear. "I'm pretty sure it's because I was locked in there with Kurt."

"Your ex," she breathes.

A smile slides onto his face, conflicted but soft. "Yeah." He sits there for a moment, two, as she waits for him to continue, set the direction and pace. "Do you think this is crazy?" he asks. "I shouldn't like being locked in an elevator. I mean, I hated being locked in! But - " he shrugs his shoulders, spreads his hands wide, and looks over to her. "Still, being in there with him, it was probably the best day I've had in a long time."

"Well," she says, "is there any reasons that you can't spend the day with him normally?"

"Uh, yeah. We both have jobs. And even on the weekend - I don't know. I have a boyfriend. It would be weird. And he's dating someone else now, too."

She trained to be a psychiatrist, not a relationship counselor, but she's learned from experience that there's a lot of overlap. "Why would it be weird?" she asks, and he makes a face.

"Um. My boyfriend used to be his bully? I don't think they get along. And I can't really spend hang out with Kurt instead of with Dave, all day, all night... if he'd even want to spend all that time with me anyway. Which, I don't know if he does."

"You know, you could always just ask him," she reminds Blaine. "If you want to. The worst he could say is no."

"Yeah," Blaine says, and squirms deeper into his seat. "The last time he said no to me, he broke my heart. And my brain."

"Your brain's not broken," she says, gently.

"It sure feels like it is."

"I understand feeling like that," she says, slowly. "You shouldn't feel wrong for them, if that's how it feels to you. But I hope someday you see - " she sighs. "Your brain's just as good as anyone else's."

"Yeah," he says, softly. "I don't know. That'd be nice."

The silence stretches between them for a bit; she doesn't want to disturb him, and he seems intent on his own thoughts. He starts humming, quietly, under his breath. She can't recognize the tune, but it catches her anyway. It sounds nice.

"I have a problem," he says eventually. "It's not exactly a serious problem - "

"You can still tell me," she assures him.

"It's a boyfriend problem."

She tries her best not to be amused. "I might have guessed." He looks so earnest sitting there, in his neat suit with a coordinated bowtie, not quite twenty, worrying so seriously about love. He's come so far from the near-silent boy who'd appeared in her office months ago, and she's so glad, and proud for him now, that he gets to worry about who he loves and how, and not about hating himself.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he says. "I'm still in love with Kurt. I mean - I guess I always was, even though I thought that I wasn't until he came back. But I don't want to break up with Dave."

"You don't have to," she says.

"I think maybe I kinda do? I kissed Kurt in the elevator, and now all I want is to do it again."

"Well, that's a problem."

"But I also don't? I mean - I don't want to be with him. Because he broke my heart before." Blaine stops, and sits there, twisting his fingers together.

"Do you love Dave, too?" she prompts. Not that she actually cares - she laughs, inside, at just how much that question sounds like she's back in middle school, and asking for gossip. Now she just wants to push Blaine's self-talk forward.

"Not exactly," he says. "But I like him, a lot. And... this might sound stupid, but he was there for me, when I was feeling really down and alone. You remember."

"A little," she says. He'd never talked much about Dave. But she remembers when Blaine had told her that he'd started seeing someone; he's improved so much since then. "You don't have to stay with him, though," she says, "just because he helped you get better. If you think he did."

"No, it's not that," Blaine says, and sits there looking brooding.

She knows, mostly, not to push, but - "then what is it?" she asks.

"He likes me at my worst," Blaine says. "Close to my worst, anyway. He wanted to be around me, then. Do you realize, no one else did?"

"You shouldn't feel indebted - "she starts, but he sighs explosively, and she stops. Waits for his words.

"I don't. It's not that." His eyes are screwed up tight, his hands in fists; whenever she sees him get like this, she wishes she could help. But she has been, in the long term, she thinks. "It's just. It's going to get bad again. This is who I am, right? And maybe I shouldn't need this, but I just want someone who I know will stay with me when that happens."

"There's no reason you shouldn't," she says. "No reason at all. But you also shouldn't stay with someone just because of that. You deserve more than that, Blaine."

"I know," he says, and shifts to sit up restlessly. "I know. And I'm not just with Dave because of that. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel wanted - "

"Those are all good things," she says.

"And I still can't stop wanting someone else," he sighs. "I can't just be with Kurt again, I know that. We've tried twice already, and it's failed horribly both times. But the other day, I still never wanted to stop kissing him." Blaine pulls his feet up into the chair, curls forward into his raised knees and mutters into them. "It's a mess."

"Have you tried talking with Dave about this?"

"No," he says. "I know I should. I know I'm being a horrible boyfriend. But I just don't even know what to say. I've realized over these last few weeks that I'm still in love with my ex, but don't leave me, please?"

"That sounds like it could be a starting point," she says, but he shakes his head.

"I know, I know I should say something," he says, repeating himself. "But I just can't."

He's shaking, now, fine tremors running through his fingers and arms. And she can't help but worry. "Are you afraid of something?" she asks.

"Just of being alone," he says, and sets his jaw. "I know you'll tell me that I shouldn't be. But I still am."

"That's okay," she says. "It's scary. But, no matter what happens in your romantic life, I want you to remember that you won't be alone. You have me. You have your mom, and I know she cares about you."

"I have my friends back, again, I think," he says quietly. "And Kurt. But what if they leave again?"

She shrugs. What can she say? She doesn't know his friends. "You'll still have your family," she promises, because she's worked with Mrs. Anderson for years and she knows that's true. "And you'll still have yourself. I know you might not believe this, but you're a pretty amazing person, Blaine."

The warning alarm on her phone beeps - ten minutes till the end of the session.

"Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?" she checks. "Or ask?"

"I don't suppose I could ask you to tell me what to do with my dilemma?" he jokes.

"Could you just try to do something that makes you happy?" she says. "Seriously. Not just as a psychiatrist, but also as someone who cares about you - that's what I recommend. Try to forget about what you should do, or what you're scared of, and just - " she shrugs. "Choose something that brings you joy."

"Maybe," he says, nodding thoughtfully. "I'll think about it."

"In fact," she continues, "you can even think of that as your homework from me this week. If you want."

"Can I steal it for my students' lesson plan too?"

"Sure." She'd almost forgotten he has students, he doesn't talk that much about them. "Hey," she says, "you coach show choir, right?"

"Yeah," he says. "The Dalton Academy Warblers." He always seems to stand straighter, somehow, when he says the name.

"Can - it's cool if you don't want me to," she says. "But do they ever give performances the public can attend?"


End file.
